I Decided Not to Attend…

I didn’t expect my friend’s mind was as narrow as San Juanico Strait. I may sound mean but ’tis what I feel at this moment.

“Gelatin” (not her real name) and I had a not-so-pretty short talk at the cellphone tonight. I just asked her about the details on her debut party so that I could prepare my schedule as well as my wardrobes. After asking such, I cracked a joke which goes like this:

“Gelatin, baka naman guest lang ako dyan at wala ako sa 18 candles mo? (laughs) joke… Sinu-sino palang mga friendships natin ang pupunta?”

Then she replied… an unexpected response!

“Candle ka noh! Grabe ka naman, kung guest ka lang ngarud eh di wala lang sa’yo? Haayy, never mind! Sya nga pala, hindi sosyal ang party ko. Baka di ko makuha ang expectations mo!”

Fine… it’s not a big deal to me–what she said and how she said it. I just thought that she also responded a joke (which is actually very uncommon to her)..but fine, i have to change my words and tell her I’m not what she thinks. I replied once more and tried to tickle her thoughts by saying “I’m just kidding. I just want to bond with you again for on your previous birthday, I was absent. I miss us! So, what are the other details?” But I received no response from her.

Once again… fine… (Maybe she ran out of load)

But when I checked out my phone, I received a message from “Lucia” (one of our friends, not a real name). It was definitely a missed sent.. or an “intended missed sent”.. i don’t know… (I immediately sent back the message)

“Tapos…ahhh! Basta… Feeling niya naman she’s really important”

The nerve! I know I’m right with my intuitions. I can feel it. It’s hard to explain here. Even before, i know they’re talking a lot about me (like I had a one night stand with someone I really had liked before ) but I did not mind it because they were my friends and I know it was all a lie.

I tried to clear everything but they were both silent. It’s been so hard for me to speak to them about what I feel but I have to say it. I told Gelatin “It was not my intention to offend you or something. I just did not like how you reacted and how you judged me ever since as someone who’s “sosyal” with a company you can never join. I’m not coming on your party then. Happy birthday.”

I didn’t expect that people will talk about me behind my back. Anyway, you can’t please everyone especially if he’s already influenced by gossips, misconceptions, etc. I ain’t important to them anyway… It’s hard to deal with persons who think of me as a “friend who can’t meet their expectations”. (especially when it comes to life status..huhuhuh… ) Oh, what a narrow thought

(If they were both not guilty of it, then they will respond on me and explain..maybe tomorrow, i don’t know… then I shall be grateful with that. I have to lower my pride for them also if that happens)

(thanks wordpress for your open arms.. mamaya wala na rin ito

M.O.M.S (Make Our Moms Smile)

To all children, let’s bless our moms for their special day with these powerful bible reflections I got from our church teaching this morning. Let’s win the heart of our moms by:

1. Remembering Her Instructions
“Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teachings” (Proverbs 1:8 )
- Mothers know best. (Love you mom!)

2. Being A Blessing to Her and Not A Burden
“A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish son is a sorrow to his mother.” (Proverbs 10:1)
- Bless our moms by being a good child. Do little things which will put smile to her heart. (Love you mom!)

3. Making Her Proud of You
“A wise man makes a glad father, but a foolish man despises his mother.” (Proverbs 15:20)
- M.Y.M.P (Make your momma proud) as much as she is proud of you! (Love you mom!)

4. Appreciating Her
” There are those who curse their fathers and do not bless their mothers. (Proverbs 30:11)
- Always thank her privately or publicly. Appreciate her for all the things she has done for you– from the 9 months of pain, to the waking up in the morning just to iron up your uniform, up to the sweats and bloods she poured down just to give you a better life— thank her! (Love you mom!)

To the best mommy of the world, to my mom who everyday celebrates “Daughter’s Day” for me, I love you so much! You’re the mom!

(I would like to greet my sister Barbie, my aunt, my grandma, and my father’s wife also..heheh… a Happy Mother’s Day!)

Survival Mom’s Day

It’s mothers’ day weekends.

For me, I have the best mom ever. I want to greet her a happy happy happy mother’s day.

My mom is so strong. I saw how she struggled in life and I proclaim her as a SURVIVOR. Indeed, Mom is a survivor and I applaud her for that.

I love her so much though I remember before, during my elementary graduation, I was hurrying her because I have to come to school earlier for my speech, and when she got mad at me, she threw her cellphone to me (thank God, it didn’t hit me..hehehe). Another one is that when she asked me to wipe the table one morning before she left for work, and until night, the table was still dirty, she scolded me and let me clean the whole house until midnight (though we have a lot of maids and houseboys..grrr!) Tough, right?

Well I guess my mom loves me a lot because she trained me well when it comes to being responsible and obedient child (along with my other sibs). She taught me of household chores, she taught me of life! I know she has a lot of shortcomings with us but she tried to fulfill all of those and offered us a good life.

What I want to boast about my mom is that she’s the most generous I know. She gives a lot and does not ask something in return that’s why all the blessings comes back to her also. Moreover, she never holds grudges, as in never (I think that’s what I got from her..hahaha). She lets people hurt her, let things happen and forgives them. And the best one is that, she is indeed a SURVIVOR OF LIFE! Voila, Mama!

I owe my whole life to my mom. Even though I break my leg, I can never repay her for all the sacrifices and pains she experienced just to raise up a very wonderful me…hahaha…

To the best mom of my world, Happy Mommy’s Day!

Schooling Situation

My brother told us about his experience in States. His stories kinda discouraged me, you know. Ah, no, I was just talking about schooling there. He said that if you are not intelligent, then you cannot study in different universities there (or just can enter!) Yes, he’s studying in a university in Oregon. Next year he will be graduating and he’ll be a nurse. It’s good that he had these good grades here in the Philippines and when who took several examinations and interviews to be admitted for university, he passed all of those and even been granted scholarships. He didn’t need to go back to first year, and it’s a great privilege, you know.

I wish I could also enter in one of the universities there like in Georgefox. He said that maybe, mom does not want me to study in far places like in Oregon (they live in Washington State), thus, I will study first in a college community as soon as I get there. What he said is contrast on what mom told me before. She said that I will study first in a community college for maybe a semester then I’ll apply in a university and go get scholarships. (But I think my brother’s point is that, mom wants me to stay with her for a longer time…uhhmmm) I don’t know… I somehow don’t understand the schooling situation in States— about college and university— what I know is that I will really finish my program there.

Answered Prayers

I got the greatest compliment today. It’s from my mom. First, she told me, “Your brother is conducting a bible study as he gets there.” (at this time, he’s already in Manila and tomorrow he’ll be here with us! exciting!) Haven’t I told you that mom and bro were already Christians in the United States? They were Baptists Christians and now, they are having a special relationship with Him. They engage in church activities, read the bible and give their tithes (that’s why I noticed to them that they’ve changed a lot!)
No wonder, they’re both millionaire there! hehehe
I can feel the blessings in our family today. We had this financial problem before, and now, we’re starting to restore all of our wealth! hahahaha… I am really excited on what will be happening the following days.
But you know, that’s not the most exciting part. As what she said, “he’s conducting a bible study there”– THIS IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR! OH NO! GOD HAS ALREADY ANSWERED MY PRAYERS! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OHHHH MMMYYYY GGGGOOODDDD!!!! HALLELUJA!” Then she added: “…it’s important that our family will be drawn to God. That’s the most important, Baby. No more quarrels, etc. You and Jerome will serve as the instrument in changing the ways of our family. Your brother really loves you. He said that you have a different point of view from among them. Yours is the greatest. I know you are a good daughter. You are good because you read the bible. Pray for your sisters, for Tita Ding, cousin, grandma, grandpa, especially for Papa and his wife and children that they will read the bible also, OK.”

(deep breath) “I am, Mom!” (smiles) “I am praying for everyone. I’m praying that every people who are closed to me, especially my family, would have a special relationship with Him. Don’t worry, I’m holding God’s words in my hands. I’ve got all the favors and I’m contented with my life. God has answered all my prayers! Praise God!”

*They always tell me before that I am wasting my time and money going to church and attending the church activities. Mom told me before that I am frequently lying to them because I go to places they don’t know (actually, I always tell them where I will go but they don’t listen to me). Bro always reminds me not to go anywhere. In short, they also persecuted me though they were in a very distant place. But what goodness is happening right now? I got the greatest compliment from Mom! I know that God whispered everything to her. God is touching their hearts! I SMELL CHANGE AND BLESSINGS! WWEEEEEHHWWWWW!!! ANSWERED PRAYERS!

Contentment

Someone told me before “You look contented in your life”. Actually, I was, and I am getting more contented each and every day. I don’t have a lot of things, actually, most people thought I have something because of the visible things I possess which they see on me like my dental braces, my cellphone, etc. Actually, my family really has something here. I mean, we grew up having more things we needed and wanted. Despite that, I still gain the least. They just give me my exact allowance and some of my essentials in school and at home. Really, I did not have a lot of savings. But that’s not what is really essential in this thing I repeatedly say and describe–life. We can never be happy with material things.

I learned to be happy in all things I receive. If they give me something big, then fine, and if nothing is reserved for me, then it’s OK. I learned to be patient and wait for my turn. I know man will not give me the best rewards because the highly ones will be coming from the Supreme one. He’s really the best because if He gives time for me to shine, He makes sure that I was the only one standing highly and brightly among the crowds. Do you know the secret to life? The secret is right just on his Word. Try to reflect on Matthew 6:33 and Psalms 37:4 (I have mentioned this before and now I’m testifying the power of these words to my life). I repeat, He never fails on keeping His promises.

I read a message and it says there “I may not have everything but at least I never have nothing.” Of course, if we have God in our life, at first, we might notice we are running out of what we have or we don’t have nothing, but in the long run, if we keep on struggling and seeking for His kingdom, everything will be given to us.

Personally, I don’t ask God for material things but only wisdom and a flaming fire in seeking Him. But you know, He always provides me everything I need and wanted (and even the things I really don’t need but gives happiness to someone). He gives me material things, good health, wisdom, knowledge, family, great friends, suitors…(joke! hehehehe ) What more can I ask for? I have no room for my happiness. Nothing compares to the feeling of being contented. The best things are yet to come.

Keeping rages

I really don’t know why he keeps on avoiding me. I mean, is he really avoiding me? Hey, I’m talking about him who has been a great part of me (I said, “HAS BEEN A GREAT PART OF ME”– RBTL) Oh, not the one you are thinking, Jeriel (Toy!!! Toy!!!). You know, I don’t keep rages to anyone. In fact, I am the one who keeps on approaching people whom who hurt me before (or those who are hurting me, or those whom I have hurt). I really don’t know, but… it’s past, right? I don’t want others to get mad at me. This is really terrible.. (sigh_”)

Jesus said “Love your enemy”… OK, fine… (but I don’t consider him as my enemy anymore!) Lord, help me. Thank you, holy Spirit..

In His Hands

Last night was a very wonderful night for me. Before doing my daily devotion, I pray to God and worship Him. While listening to the tunes of Forever and In Your Hands (by Hillsong), I saw myself walking in a dessert. I was crying as I see nothing but sands of wilderness. Sooner, I found an oasis and the dessert turned into a forest. There was a very beautiful spring in which I bathed and drank on it. Then a big hand carried me back to the dessert but I found my feet do not step on the ground (because I was kinda like riding in a magic carpet). I’m flying as the big hands of God embraced me; so I rested on them and felt asleep.

Now I realized that it was God during that time who was talking to me. I had many trials before, but because I have a God who taught me how to be strong, I overcame them all. He is really faithful in fulfilling His promises–that He makes me lie in beautiful places where I can dwell on it forever and ever. and if it happens that He will give me tests again, I know I will not set my feet on the grounds of troubles and failure because I’m carried by the big hands of Him. God blesses me.

The Signs of His Greatness

It’s nice to hear sweet words such as “I thank, appreciate and love you” especially if those were from someone you treasure and care about the most. (I mean, hearing those “again” after a year)

I remember, it’s last summer when we started deciding that we’re supposed to be prioritizing Him, thus, ending a very intimate relationship between us. Though we said goodbye to kisses, hugs and sweet moments, we said hello to a very deep friendship that even the other people surrounding us cannot imagine it. Oh, I really did not expect this will happen; I mean, this new tie between us. I mean, this tighter bondage which arose in us. It’s ironic that we separated yet it made us become closer, especially that when we talk about the greatness of God in our lives; oh, I just could not imagine the feeling. And now, after a tragedy which happened to their family, I have realized that I still care (as a sister in faith to my “best friend”) and I have proved to him that he did not went wrong on choosing me as his special friend a year ago. Yeah, God did not went wrong in choosing me too. What I know now is that we both love and serve God. I hope it’s clear to everyone that I still choose to love God first before anything else. See, He’s leading me to the right track, to the right persons, to the right friends. He’s starting to bless me with everything i need—physically and emotionally. God knows what I want for myself, for my family and for my future. And now, I can see that He’s drawing me to the person/s who make/s me happy and whom I make hearts happy.

Thank You

This song is for my friend who has been in the hospital since Saturday because of a gun shot on his butt. When I first heard the news, I thought that God will never fail to protect him and his father (who was the prime target), so I did not worry much. Thank God, I’m right with my faith to Him. I always pray for his quick recovery and the safetiness of his family. I know God is with them always.

I just want to tell him always that I thank and love him. He is an important person in my life and I owe a lot to him because he was the one who introduced me to Jesus. Without him, I am not this strong. His family told me that when he was in the middle of pain that night, he kept on telling them to call and tell me about his situation (like “Call Imay, please…please call Imay…”) I saw how strong he is and his family and how he never stops praising God for what happened to them. He did not stop thanking everyone around him. He did not stop thanking me… and I thank him also for that… I hope I could sing this in front of him and his family..uhm maybe next time..

Salamat by Yeng Contantino

Kung ito man ang huling awiting aawitin
Nais kong malaman mong ika’y bahagi na ng buhay ko
At kung may huling sasabihin
Nais kong sambitin nilagyan mo ng kulay ang mundo
Kasama kitang lumuha
Dahil sa’yo ako’y may pag-asa

[Chorus]
Ang awiting ito’y para sa’yo
At kung maubos ang tinig di magsisisi
Dahil iyong narinig mula sa labi ko
Salamat… salamat

Sana’y iyong marinig ang tibok ng damdamin
Ikaw ay mahalaga sa akin
Ang awiting ko’y iyong dinggin
At kung marinig ang panalangin
Lagi kang naroroon humihiling ng pagkakataon
Masasabi ko sa iyo ng harapan
Kung gaano kita kailangan

(Repeat Chorus)

Ito na ang pagkakataon
Walang masasayang na panahon
Mananatili ka sa puso ko kailan man
Para sa iyo ako’y lalaban
Ako’y lalaban